Just A Dream
by PakasandraIvy
Summary: Based on CP Coulter's "Dalton": Logan's thoughts as he sings "Just A Dream" in Ch. 3.   Jogan, sort of, with an appearance by Kurt.


A missing scene from Ch. 3 of "Dalton" by CP Coulter. Jogan, if you squint a little. Logan is just a bit thick-headed here, you know?

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or "Dalton" so all praise should be directed at Ryan Murphy or CP Coulter!

Just A Dream

It had been two weeks since Julian left. Two weeks since Logan had punched his friend in the face. Fourteen days without a word from the actor, who was presumably on set in Fiji or Indonesia or some other exotic fucking island overrun by beautiful movie stars.

And with Julian gone, Logan felt guilty.

He wouldn't apologize to Jules- his pride barely allowed self-acknowledgement of his guilt, and even Derek remained clueless.

But it had also been two weeks since Logan had sung. A total of six Warbler meetings had been skipped, with flimsy excuses of sickness, or homework, or vocal strain.

Even though Julian was hundreds of miles away, he was still making Logan's life miserable.

The piano made a sharp, pained sound as Logan struck a note with unchecked frustration. It was wrong, all wrong. His voice was too cold, too detached and unfeeling. It wouldn't do for the Fall Music Festival; the pressure was too much, he needed the performance too much. The Festival could make or break him- the Stuart knew he was walking a fine line.

In the past few days, he had noticed that the some of the Windsors were examining him, studying him like they were all going to take an exam on John Logan Wright III.

And Logan wasn't stupid- he knew what they were watching for. They were planning to make a move, a coup d'état. The Warblers, backed by the boys of Windsor House, were going to kick him out if he didn't trying for solos again.

And Logan reluctantly acknowledged that they had a good reason to.

The Warblers had a dozens of boys dying to tackle simple harmonies; to make background noise- exactly what Logan was doing right now. The only reason the group put up with Logan's turmoil was that he was a leader, a star built for the spotlight. Without his solos, Logan was an unnecessary reminder of last year, and one easily replaced.

So Logan had been trying all morning to sing, really sing, something more than a harmony written to compliment Blaine's vocals.

But this song wasn't working.

And the worst part was, it wasn't the first piece of music he had tried. Not the second, not the third or sixth or thirteenth. The Stuart hadn't connected with any of them, despite having locked himself away in Warbler Hall all morning.

Logan bit down a sharp stab of panic as he threw the latest piece of sheet music into the trash. What if he was stuck feeling guilty and empty and cold for his whole life? What if he really couldn't sing anymore?

He hadn't taken his meds this morning, in an attempt wrench some emotion from his voice- but still, Logan felt numb.

Closing his eyes and breathing deeply, the Stuart rifled through his bag for the last piece of music he had brought with him. It was an afterthought, but the more time he'd had to reflect on his choice, the less Logan wanted to sing it. It reminded him of everything he wanted to forget.

Nonetheless, he needed this. He was desperate enough. Not even anger was coming through anymore- he had to try it.

Hesitantly, Logan let his fingers find the melody and began, tentatively, to sing.

_I was thinkin bout you_

_Thinkin bout me_

_Thinkin bout us_

_Who we gonna be_

As he felt his chest tighten, Logan realized that he had been right to avoid this song.

This song pulled something from him, infused his words with dark sadness. The song was dragging Julian from him, the flat black and white page bringing vivid memories, drenched in overtones of guilt.

Watching Julian during orientation freshman year, observing the way the stunning brown-haired boy had smirked at everyone else, exuding confidence and boldness.

Figuring out, after a few weeks in Stuart, that Jules and his sunglasses shared an unbreakable bond.

Hearing Julian's voice falter and shake as he explained about his stalker.

_Open my eyes_

_It was only just a dream_

Three months ago, sharing a textbook and coffeepot with Derek, watching as Julian annotated a script, sucking on his highlighter in an absolutely vulgar way.

Noticing the dark circles under the actor's eyes.

_I realize…it was only just a dream…oh_

Not caring about Julian's presumed exhaustion, as their fights picked back up for no apparent reason.

And finally, finally, shoving Julian to the floor and punching him in the face- fourteen days ago.

_I open my eyes…it was only just a dream_

Logan trailed off, unwilling sing any further. Taking a deep breath and holding it for a moment, the Stuart forced himself to focus and evaluate his performance. Though it was painful, and it sounded much too gritty, Logan knew that it was marginally better. This song had what all the other songs didn't- it had emotion.

Frowning, Logan plucked out a few more notes before turning to check the clock.

Instead, he found another person standing next to the door.

Green eyes widening in shock, Logan's first instinct was to yell. But recognizing the new kid, Kurt Hummel, Logan relaxed a bit. Clearly, this boy didn't know what he was doing.

Kurt was the first one to speak, stammering, "I- sorry, I didn't mean to run in."

Logan took a beat, appraising the kid in his head. If what everything Logan had heard was true, Kurt was a Julian Larson knockoff, a diva of epic proportions.

Quickly, Logan found similarities- there was the defensive way Kurt held himself, the way his mouth was compressed into a tight, unafraid line. He was lanky, with bright eyes and hair a few shades darker than Julian's.

But the breathy voice, Gucci shoes, and Marc Jacobs scarf told Logan that Kurt was one thing Julian would never be: gay. For the first time in a long time, Logan unsure of how to proceed. He was completely stunned by the boy in front of him- undeniably gorgeous, but with a certain wrongness about him, and oddness that Logan couldn't quite put his finger on.

"It's fine. I was just trying it out anyway." Logan found himself replying. He smiled, Kurt wouldn't see the confusion in his eyes.

The kid smiled and moved forward a few steps, dropping his bag. Logan's mask had been sufficient.

"Are you a Warbler too?" inquired Kurt.

"That I am," Logan replied, turning up his smile a few watts. Maybe Kurt was just the distraction that he needed- Logan hadn't had a good fling for a while. Blaine had served that role for a little while, and then the second soloist, but after his expulsion, Logan's notoriety seemed to repel possible conquests.

This boy could be good for him. This could help him, maybe even let him find his emotions. "And you are, of course, our new countertenor. I'm Logan Wright."

"Kurt," whispered the boy, "Kurt Hummel."

"I know," said Logan, forcing a laugh, trying to look friendly. "I saw and heard you sing yesterday. There was no way Harvey wouldn't adopt you. You're something else."

The two chatted a bit. Admittedly, Logan was overdoing it with the admiring looks, but the conversation flowed easily enough. Logan gave Kurt his music portfolio, complimented him on "Don't Cry For Me Argentina", and even informed the new kid as to his possible Fall Festival song choice.

And Logan still felt like shit. Every time the kid tossed his head, he saw Julian. Jules laughing, Jules sleeping, Jules sipping coffee with tousled hair.

Julian storming out of the dormitory.

There seemed to be literally no way to get Julian off of his mind, no way to shake of the guilt and confusion.

So when Kurt practically salivated over Logan's sheet music, Logan impulsively asked if Kurt wanted to duet.

He didn't think he could handle the weight of the song alone.

And so when Logan started to play, knowing that someone else was watching, the rawness was gone. His voice was polished again, perfect again, but it had emotion too. Jules was in the back of his mind now, not at the forefront.

At least, that was what Logan told himself.

_I was thinkin about you, thinkin about me._

_Thinkin about us what we gonna be?_

_Open my eyes…it was only just a dream._

Beside him, Logan could feel Kurt's fascination. He turned to the kid, nodding with a smile, prompting him to take up the next few lines.

_I travel back, down that road._

_Will you come back? No one knows._

_I realize, it was only just a dream…_

All too quickly, it was Logan's turn again. He took up the melody again, willing the words to come.

_I was at the top and I was like I'm in the basement._

_Number one spot and now you found your own replacement._

_I swear now that I can't take it, knowing somebody's got my baby._

An image of Julian and Clark flashed before Logan's eyes, stinging a little too much for comfort.

Logan hated Julian's fucking angelic co-star.

_And now you ain't around, baby I can't think._

_I shoulda put it down. Shoulda got that ring._

Tears prickled in the back of Logan's eyes. Why they were there, the Stuart didn't know, but he held it together. He had an audience now.

'_Cause I can still feel it in the air._

_See your pretty face run my fingers through your hair._

_My lover, my life. My baby, my wife._

_You left me, I'm tied._

'_Cause I know that it just ain't right…_

Kurt joined in, harmonizing as they finished with the chorus- Logan was just too emotionally drained to go any further.

_I was thinkin about you, thinkin about me._

_Thinkin about us, what we gonna be?_

_Open my eyes; it was only just a dream._

_So I travel back, down that road._

_Will you come back? No one knows._

_I realize, it was only just a dream…_

He turned to Kurt and tried to smile, but he could feel the sadness seep through. Grasping, he covered up this slip by teasing the confused looking boy.

"So much for it not being your style. You're not so bad yourself," he ribbed, struggling to put his mask back on.

"I don't think it fits me all that much, but…it was alright," said Kurt, looking away awkwardly.

Logan swore quietly, regretting the duet. The new kid was perceptive.

The Stuart pasted a flirty smile on, leaning forward and intending to fix the mistake, but the door to the Hall flew open before he could get more than two words out.

Seeing Blaine, David and Wes standing in the doorway along with Ethan and Evan ratcheted up Logan's annoyance level another notch. What the hell did they think that they were doing?

Logan gripped the piano bench with as much force as he could muster, and answered Blaine's sharp greeting with equal coldness. Another fight could mean expulsion…expulsion would mean a life without Dalton. Without the Warblers…Stuart House. Without Derek.

Without Julian.

Logan had fought his way back into the school before, and he wasn't about to let one unmedicated run-in with Blaine Anderson ruin his life.

He let Kurt go without a fight, then turned back to the music and felt the tears come, heavy and salty and hot.


End file.
